How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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