hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize