look no pants
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize