Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
