dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
