Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
