D3 body, D1 cock
why didn't you poke me back
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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