He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
