my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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