I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
