awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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