i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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