dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
