i jhust puked up my retainher.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
