you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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