My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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