apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
