your parents love me but you hate me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
