He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
