I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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