My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
