Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
