we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
