The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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