my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
