My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
