Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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