brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
