Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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