The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize