I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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