You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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