Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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