just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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