It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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