addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
