some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
