dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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