I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
