There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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