I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
