i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize