remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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