I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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