She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
