i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
