yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
