I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
