When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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