just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
