Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
