I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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