i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
