My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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