New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
