She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
