the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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