You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
