I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
