I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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