I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
