i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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