I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
