Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
