For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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