you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
