Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
