I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
